I want to go to the doctor.

I saw a 5-year-old recently with viral illness symptoms. The parents seemed pretty well educated. By the end of the visit, we had had a very good conversation about what was going on with their child, what we did in the ER, and what to expect. However, the start of the conversation when I first met them was not impressive.

The mom started by telling me about the symptoms the child had been having over the preceding few days. This consisted of typical viral URI and GI symptoms. I was thinking to myself that all of this sounded very reasonable. But then Mom said something that made me deduct 40 IQ points from her. Besides the parents’ concerns that prompted the ER visit, they said their 5-year-old had said he wanted to go to the doctor.

Based on conversations I’ve had with my colleagues, I think most of us would agree on just how absurd that comment is—and it’s unfortunate that parents don’t realize it. There’s nothing I can say at the moment about it. I certainly don’t validate the parents when they say that, but I also can’t tell them how stupid it is. That may sound harsh, but consider the following:

Does he direct his own health care?

Does he sign the consent forms when he has medical procedures?

Does he make decisions about vaccinations and medications?

Does he set his own bedtime?

Does he decide what school he goes to?

Does he plan the grocery shopping?

Does he decide what’s for dinner?

Does he get to eat cake and cookies at every meal?

Does he get to brush his teeth only when he wants to?

Does he only take baths when he wants to?

In short, do you let him make any of the meaningful decisions that determine his overall welfare? Because if not, his “decision” to go to the doctor is just as dumb as letting him do these other things that you don’t let him do.