Shame

When I was little, I tried to cheat my grandma at a card game. I don’t remember the specific game; I only recall that it featured Donald Duck and Friends characters on the cards. While her back was turned as she worked in the kitchen, I stacked the deck so that when we drew cards, I got all the good ones. She quickly figured out that I had cheated. She said, “Shame on you,” and refused to play cards with me anymore. I offered to make it right by stacking the cards in her favor, not understanding that that didn’t solve the problem.

Shame. I think the word is underused, and although that may sound controversial, let me explain. Shame should not be for things beyond your control, like traits you were born with. I have teenage daughters, and I never want them shamed for their bodies.

However, some shame is useful. Regardless of where you started in life or how you got to where you are now, you are responsible for your life. There are a few basic things every adult should be accountable for. Your health is at the top of that list. After that, you should take care of your family and your community. You should contribute positively to the world. Obviously, that’s very vague and will vary considerably from person to person.

This most likely means having a job. Whatever you do should be a net positive to the system. And since taxes are an inevitable part of the system, you should be paying taxes rather than living off other people’s taxes.

That’s not a very high bar, but it does take work and effort. It’s not always going to be easy; in fact, it is guaranteed to be hard at times. But if you are not doing the bare minimum, you should feel some shame, and when you feel that, you should fix the problem, starting with whatever is within the circle around your own two feet.

The appropriate amount of shame from Grandma changed my behavior. I stopped cheating at cards.